Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.

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(352): Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance. http://tfl.nu/csuc

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(848): View more from New Jersey

Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand

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(848): Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand http://tfl.nu/3des

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(203): View more from Connecticut

He told me they were just razor bumps!

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(203): He told me they were just razor bumps! http://tfl.nu/2b3s

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(309): View more from Illinois

I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS

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(309): I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS http://tfl.nu/kfbo

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(847): View more from Illinois

The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job

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(847): The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job http://tfl.nu/ki5a

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(801): View more from Utah

Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas

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(801): Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas http://tfl.nu/kcjf

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(318): View more from Louisiana

You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys

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(318): You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys http://tfl.nu/kc5i

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(310): View more from California

I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.

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(310): I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer. http://tfl.nu/s9s7

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(423): View more from Tennessee

I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple

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(423): I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple http://tfl.nu/2rws

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(315): View more from New York

Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?

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(315): Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay? http://tfl.nu/8s61

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(360): View more from Washington

if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked

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(360): if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked http://tfl.nu/kcmn

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(716): View more from New York

OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.

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(716): OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night. http://tfl.nu/sz8o

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.

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(402): I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing. http://tfl.nu/1xq6

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.

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(401): U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am. http://tfl.nu/s547

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(440): View more from Ohio

I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...

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(440): I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning... http://tfl.nu/pfq3

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