I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize