just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
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isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
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Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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