I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
How external is "for external use only"?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize