Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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