my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
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It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
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I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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