The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
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Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
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How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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