i think my tv is drunk
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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