I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize