stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize