We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
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I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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