well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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