so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
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You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
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i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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