Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize