Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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