I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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