I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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