I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize