You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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