the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
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1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
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Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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