....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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