my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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