Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize