I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm getting married
To pizza
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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