I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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