so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize