i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
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He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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