At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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