Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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