dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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