Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize