I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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