So drunk its hurt
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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