please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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