I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
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Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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