He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
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We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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