There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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