drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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