we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
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We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
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i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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