Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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