I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
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You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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