I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
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