worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize