can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize