Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize