If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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