Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize