I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Randomize