shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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