Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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